Beating the Troll in 4 Simple Steps

 

You see, when I say troll, I don’t mean the mythical creature. Not the one that waits underneath bridges, not the playable race in World of Warcraft, no, not even the troll that entered through the dungeon in Harry Potter and the Philosophers stone (that’s right, I am Canadian. Vancouver BC!). The troll I speak of today is the infamous internet trolls. These are just every day people on the outside, but inside they are more tortured and angry than… well… an emo from the 90s. It is still unknown as to why, but trolls just wish to ruin your day and treat you like garbage for something as little as saying hello, or something as big as your mother. These are not nice people, but once they have decided to pick you as their next target, what do you do? With my four step, completely TOLL free program, you will be TROLL free for life.

Step one: Make sure they’re indeed a troll. I have seen many people mistake normal assholes for trolls. Remember that the average troll will latch onto you to single you out for others to laugh at. They may say things as minimal as call you a fag or say you’re stupid, even if what you are saying is true, or do many numbers of things. Trolls are the ones that go overboard. Regular assholes won’t really go out of their way to provoke you, or make you feel bad. They will just make a point, and move on.

Step two: Once you have identified someone is a troll, you tell them to can it. Many trolls don’t expect an aggressive response like that, they expect you to defend yourself more than tell them to take a hike. This is because if you defend yourself they will proceed to push even more buttons. Don’t give them the satisfaction. After all, a great offense is the best defense. 😉

Step three: If step two doesn’t work and they are continuing to badger you, simply ignore them. Even if they are spamming your inbox, home page, etc. if you ignore them, they will eventually get bored and give up. Trolls may like the attention, but even they have boundaries. Don’t let anything crack your armor, completely ignore them and you will be fine.

Step four: In the highly unlikely event that your troll continues to harass you after the previous three steps and approximately a week to two weeks time, this is when you proceed with reporting them, blocking them, etc. Especially if it is still going on for two weeks. In this time you have given the troll sufficient warning, you have shown him or her that you are not interested in what they have to say, and most importantly, you have attempted to remove yourself from the situation. If they persist after all of this then feel free to report them, block them, hell, feel free to nuke them after that kind of harassment. Sure, it’s not cool to report people, but you must set boundaries. If not to defend yourself, then to defend the next guy to fall after you. But why should you fall? This is the only step to defend yourself against the troll, and only by means of putting your foot down and reporting/blocking him or her. DO NOT WARN THEM OR SEND THEM A MESSAGE OF ANY SORT AT THIS STAGE. It is too late for warnings, if you warn them they will simply try and retrace their footsteps, argue their own point of why they are in the right, etc. Trolls are sneaky, they have a way of getting out of trouble when warned. Besides, most, if not all of the Customer Support lines out there will be able to trace the messages/posts and will be able to see everything you write. Warning the troll will only raise questions to them. I cannot stress that enough. If you have to deal with a troll all the way up to this step, please do not send them a single warning message. You will just dig yourself a bigger grave.

In the highly unlikely even that you require further help past my program, I also offer assassination services for a small fee. Haha! Just kidding. No, if it takes this much effort to still have the troll win (99% chance they won’t be bothering you for this long though) contact the authorities, and more importantly, seek hugs from a loved one. Trolls can be very frustrating, especially if you don’t know how to handle one. Personally I have had friends that were very notorious trolls. I’ve been around them, I know how they think. If you follow my five steps, you will be very safe against the trolls on the internet.

If you liked this post, tell your friends. Bookmark this page, follow me on twitter @duffladcyre , and you can expect more postings in the future. good luck facing the notorious internet troll. You will survive.

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