Anxiety Blog 1

Intro:

I’ve been away for a while because things have gone from bad to worse lately. Only in the last couple days have things gotten better.

 

I’ve been thinking about doing this blog for a very long time, as I believe it can help people, however, I’ve always been somewhat insecure about talking about it. It’s a sensitive issue for most people, and I’m afraid people will see it as my way of complaining about my issues, however, it couldn’t be further from the truth. With a little help, and guidance from my friends, they told me to go ahead and talk openly about my issues with anxiety.

 

Before I go on any more, these are certainly MY issues. I’m not interested in blaming people for them, despite the fact that I sometimes do as a defense mechanism. I acknowledge the fact that in most situations, I am the problem because most people do not understand anxiety. If people cannot see something, usually they don’t believe it. In my experience, this is a fact. Even when something is explained, most people still have issues understanding or believing. As I’ve said, this post is about trying to help people in the future on the sensitive  issue of anxiety.

 

Anxiety, what it is in my experience: 

For me, anxiety is an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion induced by stress usually. In my life, most of my anxiety came from things not going as planned. If I put a lot of effort into planning something and it ended up exploding in my face for whatever reason, I would have a tremendous panic attack. Things have always been, and continue to be this way for me. Anxiety stifles my breathing, makes me lightheaded, gives me tunnel vision, often it nullifies my ability to think rationally, and almost always it makes me very sleepy after a big panic attack.  Overly negative people have also always been a trigger to my panic attacks, as well as people over reacting to something I say (like taking a joke seriously). This is a part of being unable to control my surroundings, which is something people with anxiety have issues dealing with. They think they need to be able to control everything, even things well beyond their control. I’ve been in relationships, and friendships with people who don’t understand, this is my attempt at helping people understand not just for me, but other people who suffer from the same thing.

 

Being in a relationship with someone with anxiety:

I guess the first thing to mention is you should be honest no matter what. When people with anxiety catch you in a lie, they will forever think you’re lying to them, besides, there’s no point lying in a relationship to begin with. It’s unhealthy. Communication is definitely necessary for both parties, particularly the one suffering with anxiety. It’s best to talk about potential triggers of panic attacks and ways you can both avoid these triggers together, this requires a fair level of understanding from the less anxious party, as you have to think how things can affect your significant other. It’s hard to imagine what they’re going through, but think of it like this: The more anxiety we experience, the more damage it does to us, potentially taking years off our lives. Not to say that you’re killing anyone by triggering a panic attack, but you’re doing more damage than it seems, and most people with anxiety are too afraid to tell you, especially if you’re their significant other. To be fair, most people have an inability to see what’s wrong, so talk about it.

A lot of relationships are one sided. Most unsuccessful relationships, I can say from experience, are unsuccessful because one person has to do most of the work. Factoring in anxiety, if you’re the one with anxiety AND you’re also the one doing all the work, you’re going to have a really hard time.

21237107

 

In my experience I was in a relationship with a girl that lived about 2 hours away, and I bused out all the time to see her, but she never bused out to see me, past a certain point she didn’t even drive out to see me even when she could. This alone caused a lot of unneeded anxiety having to bus around so much Occasionally  I’d have to bus to work early in the morning, and sometimes she’d request me to come out at very late hours of the night, sometimes impossible hours, in that the buses literally had already stopped running. To any average person, they’d just say no and be done with it, but to someone with anxiety they freak out because presenting them with an idea that they would consider, but can’t because of extenuating circumstances, they overreact. Like I said, we want to control things. SO thinking about what I said from my experience, you should consider both working together. Putting too much pressure on one person is enough to exhaust them, let alone someone with anxiety.

Working Together: 

As I’ve said, communication is key, however, I should elaborate that FAIR communication is key. This means no pointing fingers. I’m guilty of doing this, as I’m sure many people with anxiety are. We tend to point fingers when experiencing overwhelming anxiety, or when we’re in a panic attack. Though the worst thing you can do when someone is having a panic attack is ignore them. Just change the subject and give them a bit more time to think before responding, make sure they’re okay, but don’t treat them much differently either. Just maintain a calm setting and avoid arguments even when the person experiencing the attack seems hostile. It will pass. Often times we say things in panic attacks we almost instantly regret. I can’t explain the science behind it, but I’ve personally said some hurtful things to some people when having a panic attack, I suspect it’s a defense mechanism. People with anxiety tend to push people away, especially when people get too close. Work together by talking about it. If something is compromised, work it out as a team. When things get rough, wait it out. The bad episodes pass and it’s best to weather the storm together. Encourage seeking help in the mental health sector, be there for them through the long mental health process, it’s a life lesson for both of you. All storms pass, and I like to say: There’s always bomb shelters in shit storms. And there’s nothing someone with anxiety needs more than having someone there for them through the good and bad. Too many times have we been abandoned by people, or we’ve pushed then away when things got rough. Finding someone that is willing to stick by you through the hard times is something I KNOW we all cherish.

Weather the storm
Weather the storm

 

Slow down:

If you’re early in a relationship with someone with anxiety, don’t rush things. Give yourselves enough space to go at a comfortable pace. Don’t be too emotional or overreact (or pretend to be offended,upset,etc.) with someone with anxiety early on, they may push you away before they want to just because they’re afraid you won’t be able to handle them at their worst. Give yourselves air to breathe. Think of anxiety in this case like the Sims. In the Sims you can give your characters a list of tasks to do, this list can get rather long, however, usually something goes wrong with the Sim and they decide they want food instead, or they break the toilet again. This can be related to rushing into a relationship because you are giving yourselves so many tasks so early on, and preparing for a long future when you don’t know what’s going to happen between now and getting married, particularly the thought that you might not even get that far.

Couldn't have predicted that.
Couldn’t have predicted that

 

Sure, it’s nice to think about and talk about but it’s overwhelming to people with anxiety to think years ahead, often times it’s hard for us to think days ahead, and as I’ve said, in my experience I try not to make plans because my panic attacks are most frequently induced when things don’t go as planned. Most relationships don’t go as planned, that’s part of the fun. Carpe diem as they say, seize the day, seize the moment. Living in the moment is usually better than dreaming of the future anyways. Relationships are not about the destination, they’re about the journey.

 

Seems hard? It’s not: 

Most of the things I’ve talked about are actually basics of most successful relationships, just in more depth. Communication, working together, taking things slow, these are all things most people should consider anyways, but if you’re in a relationship with someone that suffers from anxiety, these are a few great pointers to consider when having to go through the rough times, but you’ll find that it’s worth it. We seem complex because most people don’t understand, but anything that stresses most people out just stresses us out significantly more. Nothing is particularly unrealistic, in fact, pampering should not be a way to deal with someone during a panic attack, as psychologically it could have the reverse effect.

pavlov-rings-a-bell

 

What’s next?:

I’ll be working on more blogs about anxiety as it is an issue I have to deal with every day, and I’d like to help people that have to deal with it as well. I’ll be talking to others with similar issues to site them in future anxiety blogs, also I’ll be writing one about break up’s from the perspective of the person with anxiety, as well as a blog about being friends with someone with anxiety. I hope some of these pointers help, please share this with anyone you know that has to live with anxiety in hopes that it may help them.

 

 

 

 

My thoughts on Hurricane Sandy

My thoughts on Hurricane Sandy:

 

Well, first of all I would like to say RIP to the deceased, and for those people out there that lost homes, lost jobs, etc. because of it, I hope all the best to you.

But honestly, it we knew this was going to happen. Many scientists have been saying, even Al Gore, a previous vice president said that this would happen in his movie: An Inconvenient Truth. There were specials on CNN more frequently as time went on about the possibilities of hurricanes. So the people who are surprised by this really didn’t have their eyes open much. It’s kind of like the British Columbia “Big One” earthquake that we have been expecting all my life, and anyone who knows anything about Geology knows that it will happen in my life time for sure, yet so many people just blow it off like it’s an annoying joke. Stuff like this IS GOING TO HAPPEN, as much as it suck to believe and experience, and it will happen again. Prepare for the worst, and spend money on protecting citizens instead of Wall Street.

Global warming is not even worth arguing about anymore. If you don’t see it for yourself, you’re an idiot. Storms like this are happening way more frequently, ice caps are melting, and seasons are getting way more intense respectively. Personally, I suggested avoiding affected areas, but in the event of Sandy, that leaves out way too many states, however, you can avoid places like New Orleans or countries like Haiti if you wish to avoid the stress of dealing with situations like this, and hey, I’ve never experience a hurricane in Beautiful British Columbia, maybe after the “Big One” you could move here. 😉

Many people don’t know or understand the Gaia Hypothesis, it is Mother Nature’s way of cleansing itself, no matter what. Perhaps the abundance of deadly storms is Her way of trying to cleanse herself of man. She will one day I believe. Global warming is just a theory as to how.

 

After this sort of thing I ponder how evolution may have devolved some of our senses. Query, what sense is it to continue living in an area that is constantly affected by natural disasters? I believe our ancestors would have sought shelter elsewhere probably after the second natural disaster to hit them, maybe even the first. Yet, people repeatedly just take the abuse from mother nature. Indeed, it is probably a money issue, but ultimately you would still end up saving it if you moved away. You wouldn’t have to constantly rebuild every year. Perhaps it’s emotional attachment. This wouldn’t have even been considered by ancestors, to them, their lives were more important than memories.

 

Right now people are debating whether or not the New York City Marathon should take place, this is a strange notion to me. On one hand I think the people who want to run should be able to run. Why not make a flash group or something and do it anyways even if the mayor calls it off? On the other hand, lots of the city is destroyed, without power, and without basic supplies, so we need to focus on helping those people. But just because they are in turmoil doesn’t mean people should be prohibited to run. Do what you want people, but still focus on helping your fellow man.  Personally, if I lived in New York and was unaffected by this, I would still donate money, clothes, whatever others in my city who were less fortunate than I had been needs to get back on track. But the world doesn’t work like that. People are thrown out of their homes, and people are bankrupted for political gain.  It’s too bad good people are so few and far between, when stuff like this happens, there’s just enough of them to get by.

 

I wish everyone in New York and other affected areas the best. You’re in my thoughts, and prayers.

Education Proclamation

People often talk about how hard school is, or how hard learning is. Well, I’d like to respectfully disagree. Not only for the obvious point that if you do what you like, anything is fun and easy, but I will delve more into what it makes easier, and how the only thing is doesn’t help, particularly in British Columbia, is the wallet.

Post Secondary leads to a better life. This is a broad statement, but what I refer to is the fact that it opens up opportunities, MANY opportunities just by having a diploma. It shows employers that you are more trainable than others in that you can pick up a skill quickly after being briefly taught. This is a skill many don’t have, even some that DO have post secondary education, however, it does significantly help with applying places. Not just jobs either, careers. Never again will you have to work a 9 to 5 if you chose not to. School allows you freedom to chose a field that better suits your sleeping patterns, work preferences, etc. again, simply by having that little magical slip of paper.

Post secondary helps you meet new people. I can’t tell you how many new people I have met through school, many being new friends, friend I am sure I will keep for the rest of my life. Friends that will go on to do great things as well. Friends I will work with in the future. Friends that can introduce me to even more friends that strive towards the same distant, yet, attainable goal. A wise man once said life is like a box of chocolates, and what is a box of chocolates with only one chocolate in it?

LEARNING in general increases intellect if you’re doing it right. Chances are if you’re reading my blog and keeping up to date with it your intellect has improved (haha). But if you’re watching Jersey Shore and reading Snooki’s book while following tabloids on the side, chances are you are REDUCING your intellect.

 

Personally through my experience in advancing my English skills, I have gained a broad sense of our language, and have adapted an outstanding vocabulary. Friends of mine are often shocked at my ability to use words, and that I don’t always use big words when they find out just how extensive my vocabulary is. However, I don’t type like it often because I do not speak like it. In today’s day and age, most people have a very minute knowledge base of their own language, and that’s okay (well not really, but whatever). It’s my job as a writer to acknowledge this fact and bend my own words so everyone understands. However, my point can be summed up easily. I don’t know how many times I’ve avoided sounding like a jerk by saying someone lacks intellect, rather than saying they are stupid. This is because if I say someone lacks intellect, most people won’t know what it means, and the ones that do will still take a few moments to think about it, giving me enough time to run for the hills in case they throw the first punch.

All in all, education is the best thing we can do for ourselves, or if we are lucky, the best gift our parents can give us. I consider myself lucky to live in a country that allows such educational opportunities and a world of freedom once my eyes fully open. And ultimately, the tuition and textbooks can be next to nothing in the grand scheme of things. To end things off, I will quote another movie, my favorite movie, in saying: You know, if you put your mind to it, you can accomplish anything.

So go out, get educated, avoid tabloids, and have fun. You only get one chance to prove you’ve got IT.

Google Glasses Idea

Adding on to what I had posted earlier, let us look back to the technology world.

Last night I was brainstorming of ways to push google+ into the future, and I thought of the Google Glasses.

https://plus.google.com/+projectglass/posts

For those that don’t know about this project, please click the link above, because this is what I will be discussing specifically.

What I thought of was allowing the user interface to support streaming to those that desire, and stream it right onto their google+ accounts. How awesome would it be if your parents were on vacation in Italy or something, and wanted to stream you a tour of a particular site, say, The Colosseum, they could live stream it to share across Google+. This idea would be interesting as well if it also allowed for live streaming of criminal activity for example. Maybe the police would utilize this for a swift punishment tool. To launch the glasses they could, for example, have sites in Time Square and across other major cities where video from their respective location was bouncing around to all of these other places, and vise versa. They could even experiment with the cloud, the potential is limitless. These glasses allow some really interesting connectivity. The likes of which we have never seen. In a world where accessibility and communication is key, these glasses can be that key.

Food for thought.

The PNE Budget

Hey All!

You’re getting two blogs about the PNE today in spirit of it ending soon!

I thought while I was there that I would give myself a low budget and see what we can get for that budget between me and my girlfriend. I’ve grown up believing that the PNE is expensive, and though that is true in some ways, it is an amazing experience to go and it does offer many MANY free things, as well as some cheap food that is probably not the best for you,  but oh well! ‘Tis the season as they say! Besides, how could you NOT eat Mini Donuts and Corn dogs at the PNE.

The Budget: $60

What was purchased:

– 2 Bags of Mini donuts: $5

– 2 Pieces of Fudge: $5

– 2 Smoked beef on a Kaiser bun with 2 medium cokes: $23

– 1 Regular Sized, Iced Tea flavored Lemonade: $6

– 1 Revolation drink: $10.25 (The good thing about this is it comes with free refills all day, and if you come back again, you buy a sticker for free refills all that day too for $5.50. Buy this the second you get to the park! It saves money!)

– 1 Wiggle Chips: $5

– 1 Corn Dog: $5

– A day at the fair with the girl I love: PRICELESS

As you ca see, we were well fed with crap food all day within a $60 budget between two people. That’s $30 each, which is what you end up spending for a dinner out anyways. At least here it was the same price and a great experience all in one. Though the PNE can get costly, I hope I have opened your eyes as to how cheap it can be as well. Now go out there and have fun while you still can!

Top 5 FREE Things To Do At the PNE

Hey everyone! With the PNE wrapping up and the crowds dying down, I figured I would write an article about the top FREE things to do at the PNE. I was just there doing some media coverage, and having a blast a couple days ago, and all I spent money on was food. I will include my budget and what I got in a different blog, but without further adieu, this is: THE TOP 5 FREE THINGS TO DO AT THE PNE!

1. PRESIDENTS CHOICE SUPERDOGS:

If you haven’t seen the Superdogs by now and you’ve been to the PNE before, YOU ARE MISSING OUT. It is good fun for the whole family, with some great crowd interaction, and this year even came with a couple of great messages. The announcers at one point said: “That’s one of the purposes of this show. To show you to play with your dog, take care of your dog, love your dog.” Along with the way they started the show by presenting us with two puppies and telling us (the crowd) that any dog can be a Superdog (we are all super). And the ending to the show was a classic: We are all winners. Anyways, if you have kids, GREAT, take them to the Superdogs, if you have pets at home, the Presidents Choice has a table set up for all your pets needs. But best of all, the show is free, and at the end you can even come down and pet the dogs you spent the whole time watching. I enjoyed this event as a young child, and I enjoy it still as a young adult. Who doesn’t love dogs at least a little bit?

2. ACROBATS SHOW: 

I will admit it, this year was my first year ever watching this event. I wanted to experience everything free this year, and I was completely shocked that I had never seen such a tremendous act before. I won’t ruin ANY of the acts for you here, but you simply must go see it if you haven’t yet. There are many death defying acts, many acts leaving you scratching your head as to how they are able to contort their bodies, and some acts that left ME personally saying: “What the hell is going on here?” I was skeptical if this was an event for kids, as it requires patience for some acts, like the chair stacking, however, kids sat behind me and they were very well behaved. It’s really up to you parents, but do go see this show at some point of your PNE day, you will not regret it. Just don’t take any photos with a flash, that is VERY dangerous for the performers as they need all their focus on what they are doing.

3. STAR TREK THE EXHIBITION

First things first, I will also admit that I am a Treky. I spent most of my time in the line for this watching the Star Trek video provided via overhead televisions, but how could you blame me? It was at the climax! This line up can be quite long, but fear not everyone, once you’re in it, you will find it moves quite fast. Me and my girlfriend were actually surprised at how little time the seemingly endless line took to die down. I believe our wait was about 10 minutes, and the line was about half full when we joined it, so it’s about a maximum of 20 minutes, but boy is it worth it. This exhibit isn’t just for Star Trek fans, but for everyone really. It has SO MAY props, costumes, set pieces, art, etc. that my mind was just blown, I literally could have spent my entire day here if my girlfriend wasn’t with me. On top of everything, you can get your picture taken on all of three set pieces. The captains chair from the original series, the bridge, and the transporter. You’ll be saying “Beam me down Scotty.” right after you say “Fire  photon torpedo’s”. However, ye be warned, the photos are quite costly, and I ultimately couldn’t afford mine sadly, but if I had the money I would have gladly spent it, because how often do you get to sit in the ORIGINAL CAPTAINS CHAR!

4. FREE CONCERT!?!?

That’s right, a FREE concert. The PNE provides a million dollar stage for performers of all genres to play free shows on just for you. How expensive are concert tickets in today’s day and age? Well here, you can sit in the stands and watch a show for free! Check online to see who is playing there when to get your FULL money’s worth, but how amazing is it that such a thing is free at the fair? Sounds very fair if you ask me. 😉

Be sure to show the artists your support, and also show the PNE you appreciate their hard work. Just kick back and relax on the nice grassy area, or the stands provided.

5. MONSTER TRUCKS

Boy I had a hard time deciding number five. It’s hard to decide what the last thing to make the cut is. Ultimately I picked the monster trucks as it was a big part of my PNE experience as a child. Now I know my parents probably just took me to this event to drown out the noise of me constantly chattering, and now I also realize how much of a headache I probably gave them considering now I get a headache from this event every time, but it’s worth it to watch these massive monster trucks defy gravity. But, be warned once again, they are extremely loud! There’s a lot of power packed into one of those suckers. Take your kids as a break from all the headspinning, stomach altering, high flying rides that we all know and love, if for no other reason then to make sure they’re not throwing up in your car.

This has been my top 5 FREE things to do at the PNE. It was really hard to decide a top 5, but I think you’ll find these events are on your top 5 by the end of it as well. You know, people often forget with all the things that cost money there that lots of it is free too, along with what is mentioned above, there’s a Family Feud event, pig races, a petting zoo (with other animals to look at because they’re adorable, or you just don’t see them that often at home), there’s dirt bikes which are also stunning, you can vote for your favorite sand castle which artists have worked long days in the hot sun on, play in an assortment of amazing jungle gyms (only recommended for children, and especially not for people with a history of neck injuries). You can hang out with your favorite radio DJs, take a walk in the fair and see all the products you see on tv and more, and kids can play Beyblades with the YTV crew. But best of all, enjoy the experience, because it only happens once a year.

Within You Without You

Perhaps to get over this looming sense of entitlement we must first realize how little we mean to the world and how much we can mean to each other. For if not for you and me, life would be different. I can change someone’s life with a smile, but to change mother Earth is to harm it. We are merely a creature living on her, to be disposed of in a flash hurricane or a big quake. As they say, life’s too short to be a dick, and despite only living once (contrary to my belief as a Buddhist) you only live once too. The decisions we make, interactions we have, things we say may echo in eternity or fade out into the great nether. So which do you want to be? Someone who is always remembered, or someone people dream to forget. Ultimately you decide. But in the words of The Beatles: “Every one of us is all we need.”

Beating the Troll in 4 Simple Steps

 

You see, when I say troll, I don’t mean the mythical creature. Not the one that waits underneath bridges, not the playable race in World of Warcraft, no, not even the troll that entered through the dungeon in Harry Potter and the Philosophers stone (that’s right, I am Canadian. Vancouver BC!). The troll I speak of today is the infamous internet trolls. These are just every day people on the outside, but inside they are more tortured and angry than… well… an emo from the 90s. It is still unknown as to why, but trolls just wish to ruin your day and treat you like garbage for something as little as saying hello, or something as big as your mother. These are not nice people, but once they have decided to pick you as their next target, what do you do? With my four step, completely TOLL free program, you will be TROLL free for life.

Step one: Make sure they’re indeed a troll. I have seen many people mistake normal assholes for trolls. Remember that the average troll will latch onto you to single you out for others to laugh at. They may say things as minimal as call you a fag or say you’re stupid, even if what you are saying is true, or do many numbers of things. Trolls are the ones that go overboard. Regular assholes won’t really go out of their way to provoke you, or make you feel bad. They will just make a point, and move on.

Step two: Once you have identified someone is a troll, you tell them to can it. Many trolls don’t expect an aggressive response like that, they expect you to defend yourself more than tell them to take a hike. This is because if you defend yourself they will proceed to push even more buttons. Don’t give them the satisfaction. After all, a great offense is the best defense. 😉

Step three: If step two doesn’t work and they are continuing to badger you, simply ignore them. Even if they are spamming your inbox, home page, etc. if you ignore them, they will eventually get bored and give up. Trolls may like the attention, but even they have boundaries. Don’t let anything crack your armor, completely ignore them and you will be fine.

Step four: In the highly unlikely event that your troll continues to harass you after the previous three steps and approximately a week to two weeks time, this is when you proceed with reporting them, blocking them, etc. Especially if it is still going on for two weeks. In this time you have given the troll sufficient warning, you have shown him or her that you are not interested in what they have to say, and most importantly, you have attempted to remove yourself from the situation. If they persist after all of this then feel free to report them, block them, hell, feel free to nuke them after that kind of harassment. Sure, it’s not cool to report people, but you must set boundaries. If not to defend yourself, then to defend the next guy to fall after you. But why should you fall? This is the only step to defend yourself against the troll, and only by means of putting your foot down and reporting/blocking him or her. DO NOT WARN THEM OR SEND THEM A MESSAGE OF ANY SORT AT THIS STAGE. It is too late for warnings, if you warn them they will simply try and retrace their footsteps, argue their own point of why they are in the right, etc. Trolls are sneaky, they have a way of getting out of trouble when warned. Besides, most, if not all of the Customer Support lines out there will be able to trace the messages/posts and will be able to see everything you write. Warning the troll will only raise questions to them. I cannot stress that enough. If you have to deal with a troll all the way up to this step, please do not send them a single warning message. You will just dig yourself a bigger grave.

In the highly unlikely even that you require further help past my program, I also offer assassination services for a small fee. Haha! Just kidding. No, if it takes this much effort to still have the troll win (99% chance they won’t be bothering you for this long though) contact the authorities, and more importantly, seek hugs from a loved one. Trolls can be very frustrating, especially if you don’t know how to handle one. Personally I have had friends that were very notorious trolls. I’ve been around them, I know how they think. If you follow my five steps, you will be very safe against the trolls on the internet.

If you liked this post, tell your friends. Bookmark this page, follow me on twitter @duffladcyre , and you can expect more postings in the future. good luck facing the notorious internet troll. You will survive.